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Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for thw of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed.
The question is, when is enough enough? We have unrealistic expectations. Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless. We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children. However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well. Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to. His ego is hurt.
Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, Best tagline for dating site often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more Dating in the gay hookup culture based time of the year. We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way. However, gay men Dating in the gay hookup culture quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways. We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down.
And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children. However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples. Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere. Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down.
We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life. These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats. Every where we turn, it almost feels like we have everything telling us not to commit. We are afraid of commitment. Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating.
It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right? We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. Jealousy plagues our community. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough.
From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason. Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster. Seven minutes later, a second suspect lurks in the Dating in the gay hookup culture, nervously glancing behind him before pulling out his phone. We do not know if these are indeed the culprits. What we know is that last month a gay man used a dating app to arrange for another to visit him in Bayswater, London, and that instead of sex taking place, the first visitor left quickly as a second appeared at the door brandishing what is believed to be a cattle prod.
It is a nightmare realised for many who use such apps — in particular gay men, proportionately the biggest users. It feeds into old fears — the unknown, the alien — about the new age of dating. It begs for hysterical headlines and trembling columns about the sinister possibilities lurking in our smartphones. What is striking, however, is how rare such occurrences are. But most are no different to any dating trauma: I did not think this was fine. No, iPhone stranger danger is not what we must fear — our partner or ex is many, many times more likely to beat or murder us than a random hookup. Instead, the dangers of dating apps are less obvious, more insidious, especially for gay people restricted in our dating opportunities.
We compete at the mercy of the marketplace. Amorality rules, vacuity wins, and winning is all. It is a bargain basement plunge, pandering to basic instincts. We become body parts, framed, screened — a Damien Hirst minus the formaldehyde. We are torso, or face, or bicep, or bottom. Choose me, order me, I can be at yours in seconds. Only 20 metres away! Can you feel the liberation yet? I sense only the banal assimilation of individuals into types: Sexual racism rules, of course.